An R5 for 01/11/05 !!!

So, the almighty Rumour Queen has put out an R5 (rumour rating 5) that referrals are on their way and that the cutoff is Nov. 1st, 2005. Finally, November makes the cut! This last batch, if true, will have covered 6 days worth of LIDs. The CCAA will need to do 9 days worth next time in order for us to 'make the cut'. Is it possible????
Possible ... yes! Is it probable? ... possibly! Explain THAT in a probability course! I hate to set myself up to think it is possible ... I'd rather feel confident about the possibility of a July referral and be ecstatic over any thing sooner. Looking back though provides SOME hope:

Past referrals
Aug. 1 .......... up to July 13, 2005
Aug. 28 ........ up to Jully 22, 2005 (9 days)
Sept. 25 ....... up to Aug. 9, 2005 (17 days)
Nov. 2 ............up to Aug. 25, 2005 (16 days)
Nov. 30.......... up to Sept. 8, 2005 (13 days)
Jan. 3 ............. up to Sept. 27, 2005 (18 days)
Feb. 1 ............ up to Oct. 13, 2005 (16 days)
Mar. 5 ............ up to Oct. 24, 2005 (11 days)
Apr. 9 ............ up to Oct. 26, 2005 (2 days)
May. 1 ........... up to Nov. 1, 2005 (6 days)

What do I think is LIKELY to happen .... next cut off ... Nov. 9th! This will mean missing it by ONE day and travelling in September ... poor Sean!
Oh well, guess we'll know in about 4 or 5 weeks .... send positive thoughts our way!!!!

Kisses in the Wind

Thought I'd share another poem with you ... one that really seems to catch the essence of this long wait and what it means for our daugher (son?) to be ...

Kisses In the Wind

We hold you in our heart & touch you in our dreams.
You are here each day with us, at least that's how it seems.
We know you wonder where we are...and what's taking us so long.
But remember child we love you so and God will keep you strong.
Now go out side and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...
Because tonight, just as always, we'll be blowing you kisses in the
wind.
May God hold you in his hand until we can be with you.
We promise you darling we are doing all that we can do.
Very soon you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always we blow you kisses in the wind.
May God wrap you in His arms and hold you tight,
and let the angels bring the kisses that we send to you each night.

Author Unknown

This Makes Me Sad .....

It came to my attention today that Urban Outfitters is selling this graphic t-shirt on their website and at their stores. I cannot begin to tell you how disgusted I am! If you have a choice .... I would ask you to support the adoption community and not shop at a place that would trivialize the process of building a family. There really is nothing more to say .............

I am completely .....

OVERWHELMED!!! I truly am unsure as to how I am going to get through until school's out. Just thinking of all that needs to get done over the next 8 weeks is sitting, turning over in the pit of my stomach. I am sorry to say this, but I kinda hope the weather sucks every weekend for the next 8 in a row ... or at least until I feel I can handle the pace.
The night school thing is going okay! Last week was nerve racking, but now that I have a bit of a handle on the curriculum I need to impart, AND weekends in which to plan it ... I am feeling better. However, this is eating up ALL of my time right now.
I spend 2 full days on the weekends getting lessons planned for that and 2 nights teaching it. Let's not forget I have a day job
that I have to plan for as well, and all of a sudden there are extra pressures there ... meetings, assessments ... now that the end of the year is in sight, some parents want ACTION ... immediately ... where were you in September? Throw a two night camping trip with grade 8s in the mix and a two night excursion with patrollers and you have a teacher who is falling behind. I am a planner ... I make lists ... I get things done ... well, I used to! Right now I have 'piles' of stuff ... everywhere ... and I HATE it!
I also have a home ... a place I like to keep tidy and organized. Please DO NOT visit right now ... my house is a disgrace and I don't want you to witness it! On top of all this, the pool construction is set to begin in a couple of weeks ... I need to get some things lined up ... find someone to dismantle the fence, someone to do the electrical stuff, someone to put finishing touches on the deck, someone to replace the fence posts and fence and then someone to repair the grass. Yes, I have a husband ... yes he is a good guy ... yes he is helpful ... yes he could probably handle some of this BUT I am a control freak .. I admit it! I want to make sure it's done my way and so ... I will do it ... someway, somehow!
As for China ... no real news ... no good news ... lots of talk of another 2 or 3 day batch ... maybe we'll get there by Christmas ... I don't know what to say about it anymore!
And how are YOU doing????

Ladybug Sighting ....

For those outside the China adoption community ... ladybugs are considered a good luck sign within the China adoption community. Today, I saw one ... AND ... it landed right on me! Could this be a good omen? A sign that some good news is coming our way soon? I would say ... NOT! The sucker bit me ... hard! Now what do y'all think THAT means?

More on 'The Bag'

Thought you might enjoy the response I got from the store carrying 'The Bag':

Hi Debbie - They are almost ready for shipping - should be here in a
week of so - I could call you as soon as they arrive. They are going to
be around $***.95 - maybe a little more or less - They are beautiful
bags & if you are looking for a practical, gorgeous, unique diaper bag
that only a few lucky Moms will be carrying around for the the next year
or so - give us a call to be one of the first people to see the bag. We
have a waiting list - so if you want to see the bag before it goes out
for the rest of the world to see - call us with your phone # and you
will be one of the first people we call - Call toll free 1-888-420-0222
or locally 416-762-5811 to be added to the list of people wanting the
bag. We didn't order that many in as the bag is a little more expensive
than the rest of the line and I was sure more retailers would be
ordering them in. So it is first come - first serve. All the best.
Susan

After rereading it, I couldn't help but snicker!
I am such a sucker for the "gorgeous, unique, only a few lucky Moms" language ... it grabbed me,
but didn't hook me! Although ... a very good cyber friend has offered to look into finding me a knock
off ... thank your Kristen ... I will send you the specs! This story may not be over yet folks!

It was the perfect diaper bag ...

I have been searching the net for months, looking for the most stylin', 'practical' diaper bag .... a first time mom in her F@!#@s needs one ... no? Well, here it is ... the piece de resistance ....



After catching my breath I emailed a store in 'the city' listed as a sales contact to find out if they had them in stock, what colours, and of course ... the cost. How does this story end? I'm on the search again!

KNOTS!!!!

My course will be starting in a couple of hours and I am a nervous wreck!!! I can't even think of the last time I was feeling this much anxiety. My stomach has literally been in knots since Friday (Happy Hour excluded of course!). I think...hope...once I get today AND tomorrow over with, I will be fine. Wish me luck!!!

On Pins and Needles ... Literally!

So, in my list of 'misfortunate events' over this past week was the incident at the physiotherapist. Sandra started with the ultra sound treatment, followed by some deep pressure stuff and then I had to put the 'gown' on (and remove my bra) for the acupuncture as she needed to get into my rib cage area. She did her thing, dimmed the lights and left me be for the 10 minute time frame. As I lay there for a while I began to feel like the 10 minutes had long passed. Shortly after I heard a gentleman outside in the office area speaking and heard something like, "Okay Sandra, are you alright? You take care." Moments later there was a knock on the door and a woman asked if it was me ... ah, yay, who else were you expecting? THEN I hear 2 people talking outside the door both saying, "I don't know how to take them out." Concern setting in now! In the next moment some
young guy (okay, he was a qualified physio) knocks and enters informing me he is going to remove the needles ... hallelujah!
Sandra apparently left, having forgotten about me ... she'd had a rough day! I did book another appointment but given the night course I'll be teaching I'll have to cancel ... not sure yet if I will rebook ...........

What was I thinking?

Well, at 2:00 today, a 'friend' called me at school to ask if I'd be interested in teaching a Special Ed. course. I thought ... sure!
At 2:10 the program director phoned to thank me and give me the location, pay schedule, course requirements and expectations ... just like that! By the way, the course starts TUESDAY!!! I have NEVER taught a course like this before, I have to drive an hour to get there and I am basically freaking out!@!!! On a positive note ... I think it will be a great challenge for me and more importantly, a much needed distraction! Oh, my conversation with the director ended with her asking if between today and Tuesday I could print, fill out and fax the application form ... like that will matter ... good luck finding someone else at this point! Hey, could that be why I'm the sucker for the job? Whatever the reason, the money will be good as will the experience!~ Stay tuned for these 'adventures' while we all wait for more important events!!!!

Another Anniversary :( !

Today marks our 17 month Log In Anniversary ... (insert sarcasm here) whoopee ! This is certainly a FAR cry from the 6 -8 months expected when we got serious about adopting and started the 'paperchase'. It is difficult to get to this point and not have some regrets ... we should have started sooner, we should have pushed our social worker harder, maybe we should have pursued IVF instead. It just seems like we hit roadblock after roadblock ... I worry that we may hit a dead end ... I have to be prepared for that! I am no longer sure of anything and I don't have any answers or reasons, so please don't ask. If there is something to tell you ... I will do it here! Thanks for your understanding .........

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse ...

So, after waiting 4 days without a computer to check 'the news' I find out China has only referred TWO stinkin' days ... one, two ... that's it! We WILL NOT be next! Not even sure we will get a referral in June at this pace ... I am afraid that I shouldn't have gotten caught up in any kind of certaintly and optimism. How could I even think this would finally work out in the end ...
I also read about a couple who were referred a four year old (an older couple ... sound familiar?) ... I'm beginning to worry that this may not happen folks! I am done guessing, predicting and planning. When we get the call, IF we get the call ... you'll hear ... outside of that, be prepared to be bored reading about the mundane aspects of our life!!! Sorry to be so negative but right now I'm just plain worn out! Oh, and to top things off, my windshield was hit with some big rock or hunk of ice .... I'm gonna need to replace it ... great, just great!!!

Houston ... we have a PROBLEM!

Okay, I just finished packing my bag ... you know, the suitcase for my 14 day trip to China .....
Well, this trip is for a 4 day weekend ..... the bag is FULL!!!! This could be a problem! Let me
remind you, there is NO baby stuff packed for the weekend!! Hmmm .... good thing I bought
TWO!!!

Something to smile about ....

While we WAIT for ANY kind of news, check out some of my favourite shots of my 'boy'! Hope they make you smile too ....


"Look away ... I'm hideous!"


The nosiest neighbours on the block!

NOTHING!!!

No referrals, no news ... nothing! There's some talk that they won't even come this week AND that the cut off date is in October.
I don't want to talk about it!

I'm no FOOL!

Well, today I have my feet firmly planted on the ground! Friday was a bit of a whirlwind that led to great excitement and a heightened emotional state. Besides the early rumours that the beginning of November seemed to be in, my cyber friend and future travel mate pointed out that our agency's web site has consistently shown referrals to go out prior to the May holiday in China ... meaning we could possibly have our referral in 3 weeks! This was overwhelming news and I ate it up ... along with a number of tissues ... 3 WEEKS ... wow!!! I have taken my fuzzy head out of the clouds and returned to the land of reality. First off, everything so far is RUMOUR ... that's all, nothing more! Second of all, if the next batch does go out by the end of April, I'm thinking it is realistic that the CCAA may do a VERY small batch ... let's remember, they once referred a batch of 5 days ... FIVE!!!
That would put us OUT! Bottom line, I still really know NOTHING! I will wait calmly for tomorrow's referrals and see what information they provide .... 'til then .........................